What are the Symptoms of Depression, For Me

By: Roula Berds of MindBodyLife.net

I’ve been receiving many emails lately in regards to people asking me if I think they are Depressed. I love when my readers reach out; I feel highly honored to connect with you all, and help everyone I can. Although, I am not a doctor to give you a diagnosis, and many of us have different symptoms. All I can do is share with you; What are the Symptoms of Depression are for me, and the exact moment it hit me that I knew I was Depressed.

If some of you can relate to what I describe in this article, I encourage you to seek medical attention. Then try to formulate a plan that will work for you and your healing.

For myself, I did not use Antidepressants. My doctor tried to put me on them; I took them for a few weeks but it made me feel more numb inside, I couldn’t live like that. In turn, I weaned myself off of them and got myself out of my Depression more Naturally. Stay tuned for a more extensive article on how I did it! 🙂

For now please read one of my first articles about Symptoms of Depression and Self Preservation. I hope it helps. <3

READ: HOW TO GET OUT OF DEPRESSION

What are the Symptoms of Depression, For Me….

1. HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS

Over the years I’ve turned into an emotional Women I can admit, but when my Depression hit I remember crying ALL THE TIME! Which many of those times were FOR NO DAMN REASON!

I’d cry OVER NOTHING and when my boyfriend would ask why I was crying I didn’t even know why I was! My eyes became leaky faucets and I didn’t need any real “trigger” to get the water works going.

Plus I’d also display a lot of Anger as well. Again, over nothing.

2. SAD ALL THE TIME

Just plain ol’ sad, ALL THE TIME!

Nothing brought me joy anymore. Even the things I used to love doing felt like a chore to me.

Whether I was at work, home, food shopping (which I love doing), around friends and family, getting my nails done, or doing nothing I was just always sad. I’d crack a smile here and there but I felt just sad about everything.

3. EVERYTHING HURT

Literally and figuratively.

My body had these weird aches that I couldn’t explain and nothing seemed to really relieve them.

As well as, even trying to be productive or social HURT MY ENTIRE BEING AND SOUL! No joke! When I had to attend a function or even go to work when I just mentally couldn’t handle it that day, my entire being would hurt me and it would make me feel worse!

4. TIRED

Like a newborn!

All I wanted to do was sleep! Even after a full night’s rest. My body just felt sluggish all the time and fatigue became a normalcy in my life.

Old stimulants of Coffee or Cocaine didn’t even seem to help me anymore! My body just hurt and I always felt run down.

5. FELT LIKE I WAS “FAKING IT” ALL THE TIME

When I’d go out with my friends I felt as if I was pretending to be the person I used to be.

I was always the loudest, most daring, sailor type mouthed person in the room; but when my Depression hit I didn’t know how to be that person anymore. As if I was forcing myself to try to be that person, and I felt I was FAKING IT all the time.

6. LOSS OF IDENTITY

Who was I?

After several months of trying to “be this person” I used to be, I realized I had NO IDEA who I was anymore. The things I would say no longer came to mind, the jokes I’d randomly make slowly faded, and my charismatic personality turned into a timid one.

Unfortunately, that is something that hasn’t fully come back to me yet. Even though, through my journey of traveling, blogging, and YouTube I am slowly bringing the NEW ME into fruition. Thank You to EVERYONE that I’ve been blessed to help.

7. LOSS OF INTEREST

For just about everything.

Didn’t want to go to work, didn’t want to cook (which I loved), didn’t want to walk my dog, go out with friends, see my family, watch my favorite shows, take a shower, or even have sex.

Nothing filled me anymore or brought me any joy…

8. FELT NUMB

Deeper into my Depression I became A WALKING ZOMBIE!

FELT NOTHING! I was just numb to everything and everyone. Maybe I had cried out all my tears from the months prior, I don’t know; but I wouldn’t be affected by anything!

It wasn’t joy or even sadness anymore, I absolutely FELT NOTHING! I was an empty shell.

9. INSECURE

I was NEVER one to care what others thought of me, until I fell into my Depression.

Out of nowhere I started questioning EVERYTHING I would do, say, and wear! Constantly worried about what people thought of me (which in my mind was always negative), what they’d say about me after I left the room, if I was “acting” ok, I’d constantly apologize or explain myself, and I was like this even with my lifelong friends!

This took the biggest toll on me mentally because when I finally did leave my couch I would mentally exhaust myself with this type of behavior.

10. FELT MISUNDERSTOOD

NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME ANYMORE! Or so I thought….

My feelings, emotions, views, and personality; in my eyes became foreign to everyone around me. Couldn’t relate with anyone anymore, not even my best friend. Speaking with people made me feel alienated and misunderstood because no one really knew how I was feeling inside. Myself included.

11. FELT ALONE

LOVED AND LOVE MY ALONE TIME! But in my Depression I felt alone even when I was in a room full of people.

The Feeling of being alone ties in all the symptoms of depression I had. Feeling sad, numb, misunderstood, fake, insecure, tired, hurting, and emotional will make you feel alone even when surrounded by millions of people. Which I did.

I’d be at Times Square in NYC, in India at the Taj Mahal, Shark Cage Diving in South Africa, or on a Wild Safari at Kruger National Park and still feel alone. This wasn’t even a psychological event, this was a physical one too. Felt that way down to my bones. It wasn’t something I was able to say some affirmations about and switch my mindset, this rested into my being.

During work I’d interact with thousands of people (in an emergency room) and even all my travels but still felt alone. Only thing that helped this was my dog, she lay next to me every day and never left my side.

12. DISCONNECTED

This one was hard for me. Felt I was disconnected from EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.

My family, my best friend, my career, my man, people, nature, and myself. Lost all ties with everyone in my life.

Being a very high energy empath who is connected to people and nature very deeply can be consuming. Able to feel someone’s energy that can be across the world, and I connect with the people around me through empathic emotional energy. When I am immersed in nature I feel my connection to Mother Earth herself. The ocean and mountains were always my safe haven. When I was in my Depression this connectedness was lost. Which made me feel….

13. FEELING LOST

Like no sense of direction, and no connection.

No matter where I’d be in the world I was constantly asking myself why I was even there and not somewhere else?

Didn’t feel as if I had a place in the world and nowhere felt like home to me.

To be honest though I am still trying to figure out where “home” is for me.

14. LOSS OF PURPOSE

Wondered “WHY AM I EVEN DOING ANY OF THIS ANYMORE”

“This” being my career. Killing myself everyday in the ER of a Trauma and Stroke Center to help sick patients. Why? I’m not “making a difference” “I’m not needed!”

FOR YEARS I knew EXACTLY why I was doing it, and what my purpose was. To help those sick patients right? Not in my Symptoms of Depression.

My purpose was gone. The pride I took to myself in helping people was lost.

READ: HOW MY DEPRESSION SAVED MY LIFE

“DEPRESSION IS YOUR AVATAR TELLING YOU IT’S TIRED OF BEING THE CHARACTER YOU’RE TRYING TO PLAY”

– JIM CARREY 

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